Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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