So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize