i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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