omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
