is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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