I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
