Banned from zoo.
Again?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
