Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
