I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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