Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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