the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
