I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
