Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
