yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
