Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
sarcasm needs its own font
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
