road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
