My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
