fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
