He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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