Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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