Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
