You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
