exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
