My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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