i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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