my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
