apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
