i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
