Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
