So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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