you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Me too!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
