I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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