my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He did a backflip because drugs
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