oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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