That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
