Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
