Who did Billy Mays play for?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
