Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
