Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
