Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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