Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
