Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
