mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
