rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Never underestimate the power of titties
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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