so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
