i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
