If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize