I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
