Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
