just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
