If i could tip my vagina, i would.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
