If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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