bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
