oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize