oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
