Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
