he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize