Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I AM VODKA MAN
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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