T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We had sex on a dog bed..
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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