you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
