He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
