yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
