I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's shark week go big or go home
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
