Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
