apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
