You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
