Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
