Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
