i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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