When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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