they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
