These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
