don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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