I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
